Grave Robbing and Other Jobs Not to Take for Quick Cash

By Alicia Ballard

Most of us have been there, we’re strapped for cash and need to make a few extra bucks. Even though there are wonderful and legitimate side-hustles out there, there are some jobs you just have to say no to. Here are a few examples of when to say no to some quick cash. When it’s too good to be true, it usually is.

 

Grave Robbing (as seen in The Bone Magician by F. E. Higgins)

Bone Magician

This one may seem a bit obvious, but when you’re down on you luck (or living on the harsh streets of London in the 17th Century) you may feel a little better about picking up the shovel. No matter how tempting the reward is, find your side-hustle elsewhere. This very illegal task is far too macabre even for the toughest of people.

 

Haunted Hotel Caretaker (as seen in The Shining by Stephen King)

The Shining

So you’re offered  a pretty sweet job, all you have to do is take care of an empty hotel for five to six months. Not a big deal, until you hear local legend that the hotel is haunted. No problem, ghosts are not real. Then you hear that the last caretaker killed his family in a horrible way. That’s okay, a bit unsettling but you’re a good person and you love your family. The last caretaker before you was a good person too. If these red flags do not turn you away from this terrible job just read The Shining by Stephen King, it might change your mind.

 

Props Master at a Haunted Opera (as seen in The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux)

The Phantom of the Opera

The local opera house is under new management and they are in need of filling a few positions. So what if townsfolk say it’s haunted? Well, you may want to reconsider taking that offer, unless you enjoy being attacked by a masked figure on the rafters of the stage.

 

A Vampire Historian (as seen in The Historian by Elizabeth Kastova)

The Historian

If you find a case of a possible vampire, and your leads go cold because people won’t even mention the figure’s name, or people mysteriously go missing trying to pursue it, then you might want to reconsider taking that case. The supernatural should be left alone, being hunted by a relentless monster is not really our ideal Saturday night.

Circus Performer (as see in in Girl on a Wire by Gwenda Bond)

Girl on a Wire

So for the adventures people, a circus performer is probably your dream job. That is a perfectly fine career path, but fiddling with the supernatural elements surrounding your troop can get you in trouble. It’s best to just do your great feats and leave the magic to the circus’s fortune teller.

 

Amateur Detective (as seen in The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins)

Girl on the Train

It is always a good idea to leave a murder investigation to the professionals. Especially when you have a close connection to the victim. It may come to a clean close in books and movies, but you place yourself in great danger while hunting a murderer. Besides, we hear that it doesn’t really pay anything.

 

Weather Reporter for a Magical Town (as seen in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs by Judi Barrett)

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

It would be a wonderful thing to live in a town where food rained down from the sky, but not so wonderful to report the weather. You would have to be the unlucky soul to stand in front of a camera while hot tomato soup poured over you, or stand in freezing temperatures with mint chocolate chip ice-cream to your knees. It might be better to just remain a resident.